Blues Tour: Wales and Ireland Poems
By: Danny Apgar
Poem #1 – Bus from London to Cardiff
This morning we woke up in our little Kansas City beds in our little counties on either side of State Line,
Kansas and Missouri, Jackson and Johnson,
But by the time we reach our destination,
Before we again rest our heads to lie,
We will see just how big and how far this world is wide,
Like little Frodos and Sams we scurried,
Wives, girlfriends and family dropped us off, maybe just a tad bit worried,
For the KC Shire we leave behind,
Across Middle Earth we are headed.
Because the Blues are leavin’ on a jet plane,
Don’t know when we’ll be back again,
Leavin’ on a jet plane,
Actually we do know its March Twenty-second ♫ ♬
At the airport we arrived,
The Blues were bound for the sky,
Casey had his work cut out for him,
As a tour leader we couldn’t do better,
Like Moses through the Desert,
Spent 40 years at the American Airlines counter,
Pulled boarding passes out like tablets out of the burning bush fire,
A hop a skip and a jump to Dallas, Across the skyline to our gate,
Terminal D, in the big city D,
Where we met up with another D,
Dalton that is, who came walking up,
Fresh passport in hand from the Big Easy,
Everyone all aboard the airbus Baby.
And why all this?
Why are we here?
To see across the pond,
To see where some ancestors came from,
To tour some places that have existed for a thousand years,
To see the work and drink some beers,
Some Welsh food, some pints in an Irish pub,
Yes it is all of that and more,
Because were here to play the game,
To wear the Kansas City Blues Crest,
And Rumney RFC is about to put us to the test,
Bud did I only come to win?
Truthfully, no that would be a lie,
Because I came to get drunk, and I came to get high,
I want to do some extra things,
Like play golf on some links,
But when we play I will go hard,
On foreign soil I will go to war,
Ill stick and move, give my body for the Blues,
Because I’ll tell you one thing,
I didn’t come to lose.
So boys, I say to Thee,
The reason were here is Footy,
When it comes down to it all,
When Casey rang the tour bell we answered the call,
So let’s play hard, lets give it our all,
Lets win the lineouts, lets win the rucks,
And after the game lets get those fucks,
Because What’s Up UK,
What’s up Ireland, What’s up Wales,
I don’t know about all the rest,
But the KC Blues are here,
And were the fucking best
Wales
Wales has no trash cans. They just don’t make trash there it’s crazy. Instead of paper cups they will give you a ceramic coffee cup for a to go coffee at the hotel and your just supposed to bring it back. It’s wild. The people of Wales are Rugby Crazy. Everywhere where we went the people wanted to know who we were and who we were there to play. We were in a travel stop an hour away from Cardiff and a guy saw us and came up and told us he was a Rumney supporter and would be at the game. An old lady with a walker talked shit to me and James Clarke in the middle of City Centre as we were walking through as a team. She asked us Who we were playing and we told her Rumney. She thought about it and then if we had any games after that. We told her we had two more after in Ireland. She patted James on the arm and said “Well, you’ll win one in Ireland” with this shit eating grin on her face. It was awesome. There was a respect there from them because we were a Rugby team. We weren’t just dumb tourists.
The game with Rumney felt incredibly important. I remember lacing up my cleats and thinking “this feels like the biggest Blues game I’ve ever played in”. You could feel the gravity of it. I think that is why we came out so hot. We were the more physical team and we straight up shoved it down their throat for the first drive and a combination of Jimmy Lillis, Kyle Renner and Daniel Simon bull rushed the back of Piggy and the ball of them surged into the try zone for the first score of the game. But the Welsh, they know how to play the game. Rumney out rugby’d us. Kicks and clever shit in the breakdowns. Their hooker grabbed mud and rubbed it in our faces slyly as he was getting up out of rucks. We had multiple goal line stands in that first half. 3 or 4, either holding them up, getting a steal or pushing them into touch. Blues held the lead crossing the 30 min mark but Rumney scored before halftime and then again. They drained us down the stretch even though we had multiple chances. Our squad hadn’t gelled yet and they make everything difficult. They beat us, but it wasn’t easy. A few of their players went down along with Kyle Renner. It was a fight and we fought all the way to the last whistle, damn near scoring a last second try to get us to double digits. Rumney W 24-5.
Poem #2 – Bus from Cardiff to Galway
As the bus pulls out from Cardiff,
And we start our Journey to Galway,
We definitely aren’t thinking “what if?”,
Because the Blues did the first leg our way,
For most, might be our only time in Wales ever,
Too bad Michael Lillis won’t remember,
Outside the windows of the bus,
Which surprisingly holds all of us,
Rolling Welsh hills have a touch of morning dew,
Nobody is as thankful to leave as the sunflower and onion crew,
And as we sit here hungover thinking “what’s next?”,
We take a quick moment to reflect.
Cardiff treated the Blues well,
The people were gracious and the hotel was swell,
Seeing Millennium Stadium was unreal,
And the Cardiff Castle was the real deal,
Never seen anything like that with my own eyes, only on a phone,
Little odd that it was just a rich guy’s vacation home,
The city was everything I imagined and more,
One more chapter in the Blues and Rumney lore,
One surprise was the weather was fine,
I guess we brought our own Kansas City sunshine,
And speaking of Rumney what a fuckin’ place,
Their clubhouse blew me away with all that space,
A little piece of me was worried the game would be tragic,
Especially after we spent our warm up time in traffic,
But when we arrived I saw some good omens,
The boys were ready, locked and loaded,
And even though overall the talent pool in Cardiff generally looked like a box of nails,
When I went to get taped, Rumney’s trainer was the hottest girl I saw in Wales,
So heading on the field I was full of confidence,
Can’t buy that feeling with any amount of pence,
Out faces lite up like children with their toys,
Halfway around the world about to play Rugby with our boys.
We started strong even though on that soft ass grass we felt a little bit wiggly,
We shoved it down their throats and the first try of the tour was touched down by Piggy,
We were better athletes but they had the rugby smarts,
We had the muscles but they knew the dark arts,
We lost the battle, but not the war,
The last whistle sure had us wanting more,
We can all feel a sense of pride,
It wasn’t a pumping, it wasn’t a bore,
The competitive Blues and Rumney rivalry is still alive.
So now as we journey westward to the Emerald Isle,
And Cody lays to stretch his back in the aisle,
I say to you my fellow Blues,
How do you want the rest of this trip to go,
Because as fun and great as that was,
We definelty have room for improvement,
Are wer going to go through the tour motions just because,
Or are we going to fight and claw for a memorable moment,
This tour poet was inspired by how we played last night,
And I think a couple wins might be in sight,
I know in Ireland a lot of you will get drunk and try to pick up chicks,
But I hope back at the hotel this morning when you were gathering your stuff,
That you also packed your dicks,
Feels like a long time but we aren’t close to over,
To Ireland, the Blues tour rolls onward.
Impromptu Drunk Poem
Bus from Cummings’ Uncle Bar in Coutryside to Galway City Centre
The Blues Marched in Galway’s St Paddy’s Day Parade,
I believe, my trip has just been made,
But wait, theres more,
Another Gem in the Emerald Isle is in store,
The Cummins family bar,
An Irish Pub in the countryside,
My American eyes have never seen something so from the world so wide,
But my oh my, was it kind,
The regulars were so nice to the Blues,
They helped us pick up on Irish cues,
A once in a lifetime experience,
Across the world, look at us,
Paul’s the man and we’re headed back home,
After a countryside stroll we took to road,
Because Rugby tomorrow you shall wee,
When KC Blues take on Corrib RFC.
Galway
The ferry across the Irish sea was like a cruise ship. There was a VIP bar you could pay for a open tab at, there were hotel-like rooms with a shower and bed you could rent for ride, there was a movie theater. The hotel we stayed at in Galway had the best hotel bar Ive ever drank in. We were a bit away from the downtown area so a group ended the night there every night. We were in their St Patricks Day parade. It was a BIG parade. They had all types of different ethnicities, groups, teams, singers in the parade. We were between the community circus and a Pro-Recycling Gypsy float. I heard a lot of sentiment before we went that St Patricks Day wasn’t as big over there but that was wrong, it was HUGE over there. It just wasn’t as themed as it is here. We have the “everyone wear green” thing with cartoon cutouts of leprechauns and what not and they didn’t have that stuff. Felt more just like a Everyone gets the Day/Weekend off and were gonna get drunk and have a good time type holiday. Like maybe a Fourth of July-ish feel here but without the fireworks.
The game was THE DAY AFTER that “get drunk” holiday. Both sides were hungover as hell. Some of the team took the bus a couple hours during the day that day to see the Cliffs of Moher and some were too hungover. The Corrib boys were just as hungover as we were. Again we were the bigger and more physical team but they had their ways. They had a 10 that kicked really good and had us scrambling for a while. But we wore them down. They made a lot of subs. Teddy Lovelace powered in a couple tries to start off the scoring. They hit a back play off a scrum and scored. And then did that again in the second half. But they couldn’t handle our muscle for 80. We dragged them down to the deep water. Everyone contributed, even Winecooler got minutes, the young Williams boys both got touches and a try, Michael lillis chipped a tooth. Full on team win. Blues W 36-21
Poem #3 – Bus from Galway to Dublin
Two Nations
At this point in the trip, we’ve had enough time,
To take in the place and culture of two different nations,
We toured their cliffs and stadiums, tasted their beers and wine,
We even saw inside their ancient battle stations,
Ut the real thing that makes it special when you come to visit,
Isn’t the places, it’s the people there that makes it so when you leave you miss it,
I hope that we can make them like us too,
With out lovely American manners and a little luck,
Because the Welsh are cool as shit,
And the Irish are dope as fuck.
Wales was awesome because you could tell Rugby was their number one,
But in Ireland our city schedule isn’t one and done,
A Friday night game in the country still drew Irish fans,
And I love Ireland because you can at least find some damn trash cans,
I know I made fun of Wales because I hardly ever saw an attractive lass,
But St Patrick’s Day in Galway had be regretting my disses,
Everywhere you looked was hot Irish tits and ass,
Had me looking down, deep breathing, gritting my teeth and thinking of home and my missus,
But now we can take back home the feelings of the sights and sounds,
Of the smiles, the laughter and the sharing of rounds,
Of the people at the places of our stopping stations,
That comes from spending time in two different nations.
We came to Ireland on the longest travel day possible,
But we had nice weather and nice drivers,
And I hear that contrary to usual… the Ferry was unrockable,
In late day one in Galway and headed right to court,
All of the boys who were punished took it in good sport,
But out of the Winecellar did crawl one problem,
Got kicked out but snuck back in to steal beer like some sort of Hob Goblin,
Then up early for St Patricks Day, that was quite a ride,
Teddy and Blakeston got to show off those kickass pecs and thighs,
That parade was a wild experience,
It was fun being their token Americans,
We spread out around town like a spider’s web,
And thank God none of us wound up dead,
Being in Ireland for an Irish holiday was neat,
We even bet on a racehorse named Kansas City Chief,
It was a day that I don’t believe any of us will forget,
Except maybe Greg and Michael who ended the day with a headbutt contest,
I know we won’t ever forget that Blues team win,
And hallelujah on the W because going home with an 0fer would be a sin,
We’ve partied on this tour like it was our freaking job,
And now the Blues tour rolls on, to one more stop.
Dublin
Galway felt very familiar to me. It was like a Kansas City or maybe a STL in feel. The City Centre we were at like a better/overblown PNL. The hotel we were at was a Irish suburban a bit. Dublin, on the other hand, was like Chicago. Big City feel. The guys that went to the Ireland v Scotland Six Nations game took the tram. Bars on bars on bars that you could just walk too. There was a giant monument in the middle of the city less than 2 blocks from our hotel, The Spire of Dublin. It’s a four hundred feet tall needle and our tour guide Paul informed us it was known by locals as “The Stilleto in the Ghetto”. It was put up in the early 2000s as a part of redevelopment of the area and they did a great job because it is poppin’ off around there. Felt like we were in the heart of the city. For the lucky ones that got to go to the game (we had only so many tickets available and we did a raffle. Casey pulled names out of a hat) if was an incredible rugby experience. For me, the most surprising thing was when Scotland ran out of the locker room the whole stadium cheered. I was taken aback, at Arrowhead we boo the opposing team. It was amazing to see the game played at that high of a level in person. The most scary player on the field was the Scottish Prop Pierre Schoeman. He is a rhinoceros of a man.
The Athy game was our only day game. It was a bit rainy and cloudy, much more “British Isles” type weather than the sunny days we got for the rest of tour. This is the one game on tour where we got in trouble a bunch for getting into it with the other team. The Sir was pretty sensitive though and clearly did not want the Americans to win. A Blues forward told another Blues forward to “shut the fuck up” while we were binding for a scrum and he blew it up as a penalty and told us we weren’t playing in the right spirit of the game. They had ball for more time than we did but we made it count when we got chances and they couldn’t bring us down when someone broke free. We outlasted them. Blues W 29-17.
Athy
(Athy RFC Aftermatch Poem)
A 2pm match on the show grounds,
And afterwards we drank a few rounds,
It was a cracker and a smacker,
And the big hits weren’t lacking,
And when we go back across the world by and by,
We will take back fond memories of Athy.
Bus Ride Home from Athy
A old and rainy day in Ireland,
Is a hell of a day for a Rugby game,
Off the bus steps the Blues Brothers Band,
We’re assholes and dickheads but were anything but lame,
The game was a dick in the dirt mud fight,
And the hits were anything but light,
29 to 17 was the final score,
The Athy boys didn’t want no more,
The engine of the Blues was runnin’ with a purr,
We beat Athy RFC, and we also beat the sir,
We gave them an American kick in the butt,
Even though we couldn’t keep our American mouths shut,
But after the game Athy threw quite the bash,
We danced to the Fields of Athenry and we danced to Johnny Cash,
Now a night out in Dublin, and a negative test,
Is all that stands between us and the best,
City there is, the one with our girlfriends and wives waiting where we can hold a familiar titty,
The one we call home, Kansas City
Country Roads
We are tired, sore and dehydrated blokes,
As we climb onto the bus for one more ride,
But Teddy and Blakeston are still telling dick jokes,
And man, this group had quite the good vibe,
So did Rumney, Corrib and Athy,
I hope this goddam plane takes off smoothly to glide,
And that back in the heartland we will soon arrive,
When the plane touches down we’ll let out a big sigh,
Because The Blues didn’t have anyone get arrested or die,
But its not because we didn’t try,
I will say this about this trip,
Not a group of people id rather had done it with,
We played for one and one for all,
While being watched over by our guardian angel Paul,
If we had to do it again, we would surely go,
And we’d like again to be driven by Hugo,
Now ive said enough as we are all in go home mode,
The only thing I have left to say is, is to these country roads,
♫ ♬ Country Roads, take me home,
To the place where I belong,
Kansas City,
Blues Rugby,
Take me home,
KCMO
